Humility Blog

Humility is the hardest value to learn. It takes inner strength and will power to learn from it. In the Bible God favors the humble people. (James 4:10, Proverbs 3:34) In my 10 years with a personal relationship with Jesus. Humility was the one being reminded me of. I had experiences where I am considering myself to be humbled every time. Before Christ I consider myself to be a domineering and bossy person. Some say that was attributed to my difficulty but for me I can manage it. Yet, being over hyped with the people around me, where I became the honor’s class and in the honor’s list in elementary I became too proud of myself that I wanted to be glorified. I also started to play basketball to impress my crush who is a valedictorian. I also got revenge to my bullies then. This happened in elementary. In high school I was slowly eating by my narcissistic self where I imagined that I am the king of my school and the father of my batch. People in My high school were very naive on me because of that mentality. In first three years of high school,  I always have experiences which I was challenged academically than in my elementary days despite managing to get an Grade average of 85-90. I was put in a special section. That is the thing that I bragged to my neighbours which do not have awareness about my autism.  They called “Idol” for no reason (because I was not expecting it because I don’t play varsity) during my tryouts for intramurals. Being a player for first and second year they were chanting it and I felt like a celebrity then. Smiles were flowing out of my mouth. But not knowingly it is a shallow complement from those who matter the most like my loved ones who wanted the best in me. There was my head floating again.

In the third year of my high school life there is this need to be fit in to a certain group. Yet my classmates from the Special Section weren’t the right choice for me because despite their effort to adjust to my condition. I do not have the happiness in my heart, there was a thing lacking in my heart. I resorted to a group of friends in Pag-Ibig Homes and Sitio Escuela in Catalunan Grande. Who both were my hang out buddies in Pag-ibig Homes, at first I was thrilled but as days gone by I was not happy already. There I still bragged about being in the first section and having high grades. Also I bragged to them that I was good at basketball to get their acceptance in the team. Though I was given an opportunity to be with the team, I do not like my teammates. And the teammate that I like pursuing to be with as my combo was faking his kindness to a point I cannot sleep well at night. There was a time Jesus talked to me and used my mom to talk to Him personally but to no avail I still forced myself to wanting that I cannot have. The acceptance in my neighbourhood. The need of humility struck me the most where a certain peer who I wanted to be teammates the most in my Catalunan Grande group told me in Friendster for the purpose of seeking his acceptance “Kung di tika gi apil, buot diay ka? Ka banga nimo.” And when I was evicted in the Special Science Class in the fourth year it had a sharp blow on me.

Fortunately, the regular section in my high school were friendly and warm enough to embrace me, they were like the people in the Good Samaritan parable as they welcomed me beaten by being low on my sins, particularly my pride and anger to combine, being domineering person. It was by God’s plan this happened. My parents were disappointed at first yet as years passed by they understood that It was meant for good and I was sharing my testimony through Jesus saving us through our sins and through God’s grace we are living a free life in Christ Jesus. There is a certain friend there who had taught humility every now and then and that made me attached and be closed to him. That humility kept on and the healing process in my life began. There was friends who do not think highly about themselves and that toned down my pride a bit. My first church being born again emphasized what having pride is. Which is determined when someone does you wrong and if you react rather than respond you are exalting yourself above other’s interest (Philippians 2:3-4) Acknowledging that others are better than you. Yet despite being a baby Christian back then I don’t have a full grasp on what is like to be humble. Humbling to me then was putting yourself down and having self hatred is my motivation of being humble. It is still negative. I aired statements like “Yan kasi ganito ka. Kaya ka nagkaganyan” or “Banga man gud ka Ross”

But during my college days they were calling me “Idol” again this time in Ateneo. Idol can be took as complement or an insult, in college there were no people who encouraged me to become humble not even when I graduated there. All of my group in basketball called me Idol, because in my mind I wanted to be kneeled upon by Ateneans where it symbolizes respect. I craved respect to the point where I want them to fear me when the will take advantage of me. But this move is self glorifying and them may praise me at their front but behind their backs they spread rumors, lies and destroy me. Graduating college I had played with a lot of friends in basketball and bragged when I had a good game to my friend in high school because he bragged himself to me also.

And then after being in Christ 3 years or four years then, I had struggled with this Spiritual pride that I looked down on others who do not follow the Gospel and wanting them suffer death because of I am frustration to share the gospel to them. This continued as the years passed by where I used it for my excuse to anger. Then I was then humbled when I saw church members who were used by God to mold my character especially the younger ones who I despise because of being older than them. There were two man behind these and there is that woman I had met in a retreat in Sarangani where I communicate and God gave to mold me in a better person.

This decade is a replay of the journey I had last decade to show how I had improved. This year is a replay of the 2008 version of adversities in me looking to improve myself I put myself to a challenge after graduating from college and had several works where I did not stay long due to pride and losing the trust of my classmates in college due to pretending to be nice to them and not showing my true self to them just to get something on them. In addition to my friends in high school having their own priorities also, insecurities and my need to belong were there again. There was a second chance that God has given to have friends in college, he used three younger people from the same division that I had to gain trust with. Which I took care again the trust and detached from them when needed to maintain friendship, and one of that friend of mine has friends from his high school who was like the ones who taught me to be humble. Which I did not find from my classmates and peers in college. 2018 was a replay for 2008 where I met Jesus Christ because God wants me to know how I had matured in Him. He wants me to totally embrace true humility and having respect for myself and others to please our Almighty God.